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Club O was advertised as a place where Dominants and submissives of both genders could meet, mingle and play together in a safe, sane and fully consensual environment, or just observe as others did so. It was in this latter way that I had fully intended to proceed. After much deliberation and procrastination I finally worked up the courage to travel down into the city and enter the club. I did so with sky high anticipation and excitement, but after just a very short time I was completely deflated. It all seemed to be about pain given and pain received, humiliation, and ultimately degradation. And while I understood that it was all consensual, and for most of those involved it was just a game, and that aspects of it had stimulated and titillated me in the past on a computer screen, the stark reality of it, I suddenly realized, was not for me at all. This of course begged the questions: What was for me? Who was I? And where if anywhere did I fit in if not. Daddy wasn't, really. Worried for me, but not disappointed." See. My mother is. Disappointed with you because you're a girl. With Marcus because although he's a guy he isn't the right guy. With me, because she just always is. I don't know what the hell she wants, but I'm not it." Maybe it isn't that you don't know what she wants," Hope suggested quietly, "but rather she doesn't know what she's got." What's that supposed to mean?" You don't talk to her. She doesn't seem to talk to you much, either. I'm not suggesting that this is a one-way thing, but she doesn't know where you're coming from. She doesn't know whether to commend things or despair of them because she doesn't know whether you're happy about them or not." It shouldn't matter. If she's got an opinion, give it." Don't you start on 'should' and 'shouldn't.' We get enough of that from Marcus." Speaking of whom," Shawna said and the spring seemed to return to her step, "hurry up or we'll be late." For what?" Marcus." Is he.
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