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He waved to a touring waitress and ordered us another round.”“Jim, is she married?” I said, putting it out there.“Yes,” he said.“Happily?” I said.“Yes. I mean I don’t live with them, but they seem so,” he said.“Okay, please do not tell me his name or her new last name unless I ask for it. Would that be all right with you?”“Yes,” he said. I nodded.“So far so good,” I said, and smiled. “Jim, I told my woman that if she did meet a good man and married him that it would be all right with me, that I would understand. I mean I was inside for so long.”“Okay,” he said. “That’s good then, right? We’re good, and no I am not the man. I mean if you thought I was playing games here or something.” I laughed, but not too uproariously.“No, I didn’t think that,” I said. “But there is one thing, that my, ex-woman, I guess she is that now, knew had to be inviolate. We had an agreement...”“Sir, before you go on...”“Andy,” I said. He smiled.“Thank you, Andy. I have something to give to you that you need. Okay, I know. ‘Where did the money come from for this kind of place?’ Everyone asks me the same question. Some of it was from my former mother-in-law, a world traveler before she married the father-in-law who was a retailer and tighter than a horse’s asshole in fly season. When she finally stopped bugging the wife and me, i.e. ‘went to her reward’, I decided to take what she left us and do something that would shock and disgust all the rest of the relatives. And at the same time fill a niche here that was untouched by anyone else in town. If the MIL was imitating a hamster wheel in her coffin, so much the better. The only sad thing was that she took my wife with her when she missed that curve. The first problem came with the building inspector, of course. He noticed what the blueprints called ‘decorative fixtures’ actually were working models of the various items required. I looked blankly at him and said, ‘Does it really matter? A little realism helps sell a place like this.’ He.
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