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My marriage is solid, loving and not in danger of disharmony. I can risk this one little endeavour without fear of severe retribution. A sharp jerk of the steering wheel forcing the car into a U-turn and again, I was headed back to the KMart. The KMart where it all began -- and ended in a matter of hours. For the most part, I couldn't even remember all the details, not even how the illicit meeting ended. I only remembered that he made mention that this was not to be our last encounter.I tried to make it just that -- for two weeks. Now, however, a strange yearning drove me on. One that I feared, yet had to explore. I had to know. Was I a slut? Am I a slut. To be used by men for their enjoyment. I had to laugh, for I suddenly realized that this latter part was my marriage: Being used by hubby. The selfish bastard.KMart was coming back into view. Driving more carefully, more attentively, I switched lanes. The centre. The right. The turn lane.Fear gripped me.A quick glance over my left. Years ago, pre-Vanessa, Bear and I had attended a Mafiosa funeral. He had been a local kingpin back when the Italians controlled the West Bottoms. Long before gentrification marched through.He died peacefully, if one can do that, in his sleep. At 87-years of age. Bear and I knew his granddaughter. She had put in a quiet word to a liquor distributor. The hard liquor wholesale prices at BEAR on Broadway were lowered by 18%. Overnight.I was thinking back to that funeral, remembering Bear’s comment about the Italian women in mourning. “Like crows on a wire.” Of course my mind was gadding about, trying not to think of Hank.I’ve never been sure who funerals are for. Who benefits? Is there such a thing as closure? Does shared grieving ... oh, fuck it. We’re here.I’m not sure why I was crying. I didn’t even know Hank that well. But ... mournful bagpipes, a folded flag, black ribbons across badges. Must have been those fucking bagpipes. Yep.Requiescat in pace, Hank.Pilar: When do you kick a.
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