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When I came out, I put on clothes and went downstairs. I noticed she had left, also. When I got downstairs, she was heating frozen pancakes for us and was dressed."Do you want butter, syrup, or both?" Both if the butter's still good." It is for now." We ate together in a companionable silence. When we finished, I took the dishes and washed them, dried them and put them away. I then said, "I need to get my coffee mug."She giggled and said, "That one?" pointing at my mug. I grinned and went to it and filled it with coffee. The house had a nice sitting area on the back porch. I took her hand and guided her out to it. We sat side by side in the two chairs and sipped coffee. We sat at ease for ten or so minutes and drank coffee. Then she took my hand and we went inside the kitchen. I filled my mug and she cleaned up the coffee pot for our next trip. Our next trip! Did I think that? I realized I had. I also realized that I was not looking forward to returning to the farm as much as. I loved her, but I had been taught to never completely trust anyone, especially a woman.When I arrived at home a few days ago, I discovered the true meaning of grief. I've seen my friends killed by bombs and bullets, but the pain Kat has caused me is in a class by itself. Something in me has disappeared, hope was now a major casualty. She knew how to reach the best part of me. She used to know that is. My slut wife has unleashed a beast. She released the monster that knows no mercy and gives no quarter. My carefully disciplined emotions were running wild as I fluctuated between anger, sorrow and despair. The other shoe will now drop. My blade has two edges. It was a mistake to sharpen the vengeful side. I will never understand how she could do this to our marriage. Was it all bullshit from the beginning? Could I be that blind? Could a woman really love a man and do what she did? I vowed to never again leave myself vulnerable to love and lust. I had to stop feeling and start thinking.
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