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"It happens, I guess," he said. "But, we have to get on with life. Can't sit around all mopey all the time. Trust me, I know the game." "I reckon," I said. "But, it's hard. I do so love her. She's been my all for so long that I cannot even imagine life without her. But, it's even more difficult to imagine my having to share her with another man. I tried, but in the end I just couldn't do it. When I saw . . ." "You saw them together!" said a shocked Red. I just shrugged. "Oh man, that was not good," he said. "No. No. Not good," I said. "Singularly bad actually." **** Between getting off work at 5:00 and getting to sleep around 11:00 or midnight: I spent most weekday nights, after my break up with Gillian, now a full year in the past, either sitting on a bar stool at the Red Barn and occasionally the Calaboose; or walking long range, three miles, on the city park pathway. Life for me had taken on an element of sadness and exercise and alcohol, talk about contradictions, were the. ”She mumbled as she backed out of the room. Once in thehall she tried to figure out what had come over her andprayed he hadn’t seen her licking her lips.For the next couple of days she tried to avoid the boy,which wasn’t hard with all the hours she worked. Whatshe couldn’t avoid were the changes in the fantasies shewas having. Now the figures that had always beenfaceless had faces and they all belonged to her son. Herneed for relief seemed more regular and her climax’smore intense but she felt guilty. In her visions, everything was justified by all that shedid for him and he was just giving something back, butin reality that wasn’t the case and she knew it. Shetried hard not to have the thoughts but they justwouldn’t go away. She finally decided that she wasn’tactually hurting him after all it was just fantasy. Having accepted her thoughts as being just make believeand feeling guilty about avoiding her son she decided togive him a treat..
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