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You know I am not going to be able to stop thinking about it.”I could not blame him. I loved John with all my heart and soul, but what we were doing could not in any way be perceived as a mother’s maternal love for her son. It was nothing more than pure lust on my part, and I imagined on his part too.“I know, Honey. I can’t either.” I admitted.“I need to know where this is going. I will not be able to stop wondering when you will come to my room or ask me to join you. I thought about this all day. We either need to stop completely right now, or you need to let me know exactly what you expect from me. I want you to be happy, but I can’t just be on call whenever you feel you need me, not after last night. I won’t be able to stay in this house if I have to be near you and always wonder if you will want to be with me like that again. I’m afraid to even kiss your cheek because of what I may do.”John was right. I manipulated and used him to fill that empty spot in my life with little. There was however, a time and a place for everything. Although they probably hadn’t got that much in common, he’d certainly warmed to Brian, just as Anne had predicted, and his earlier anxieties had been proved groundless. ‘How long do you think you’ll be around for?,’ Adam ventured. Brian finished his whisky and sat back. ‘Only until Wednesday. Then I’m flying off to Zurich for am important conference that should keep me busy for ten days.’ ‘Pity. I was hoping you’d be around for longer and we could chat some more.’ ‘Oh I’m sure we will, Adam. In the meantime I’ve got work to do. Besides I don’t want to pander to my wife’s insecurities too much.’ ‘Insecurities?’ ‘Yes. She thinks I’m fucking my secretary and she’s out to try and catch me at it. Barnaby tipped me off about it earlier in the year. Pity though as she gets to do as she wants without me knowing or caring too much about what she’s up to.’ ‘And are you?’ Brian frowned. ‘Adam, that’s for me to know and her to worry about..
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