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This feels right. I feelhappy." My voice gained some strength andenthusiasm, "I feel like I've got the sparkback in my life, I've got direction andpurpose. This is me."My mother closed her eyes and again slowlyshook her head, "Is this some kind of phase?Please tell me it's just a temporary reactionto your problems or something. We can get yousome help, counselling perhaps?" No!" I said a little more emphatically than Ihad intended. My father stopped his pacing andfixed his eyes on me. "Sorry," I murmured in amore gentle tone, "But you have to understand.This is not a phase, it's not a fad, and it'snot a whim. Whatever else you don't or can'tunderstand, please understand that I amperfectly serious. I have considered thisfully, I have thought long and hard about this.This is not a game, a joke, whatever. This isreal. This is it. This is me now and if youcan't accept me like this, well I hope you willcome to accept me because as much as I loveyou, and I do love you dearly, I can't deny. The clicking of the ignition sounded awfully loud as I lit it andlooked around. There was no sign of Mattie but she had left the pillsnext to a glass of water. Swallowing two I lay back and closed my eyescounting slowly to ten before forcing my battered and aching body fromthe bed. At first I felt a little dizzy, but it passed, and using thefurniture as for support my short stiff legged steps just about got meto the loo.Unwilling to risk trying to stand as another wave of dizzinessthreatened to overwhelm me I again sat. There was an odd slightlyguilty feeling running though me as I relieved my bladder. The skirt ofmy nightdress felt very sensual on my legs and having to hold it up outof the way like a girl was a strange taboo-breaking thrill. Cleaningmyself up as best I could I looked at myself in the mirror guiltilyadmitting to myself that the nightdress did look awfully nice... Aloneand undisturbed I felt a wash of emotions and felt decidedly confusedwhen the strange shivers of.
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