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I was starting to sweat it was so exciting. My hands were shaking. I hadn’t seen anything like this before and wasn’t sure what to do. The two guys weren’t concerned that anyone was watching or probably they were enjoying the voyeuristic attention. One guy seemed to bring the other to the brink and then slow down keeping him in anticipation. I watched wide-eyed. My cock was bursting out of my trousers and I couldn't resist it any more so I slowly took it out and started to carefully jerk off, trying not to be seen or at least not too obviously. It was fantastic. In a room full of men I was openly wanking. I started to get a more and more adventurous jerking more and more violently. I could see some others watching me and that only made it more exciting. I lost more of my ambitions and pumped faster and faster. I then realized that the guy sitting a couple of seats away on my left had started to watch me instead of the screen and was obviously getting fidgety. Maybe he was offended.. I don't know if there is any special meaning to the day of his death, but he died on my 38th birthday. The people closest to me all seem to die on my birthday or a few days after it.This was going to be the first, and only, public message from me. Stan and I worked on this together in January. We talked about what he wanted me to say. Some of these words are his. Several days after he died, I was writing to a close personal -- real life -- friend. I put ten words together at the top of my message. Then I cried for a long time. It was cathartic. So I shared those words with a few electronic friends; people I'd been close to since the bulletin boards shut down, and everybody migrated to the World Wide Web. Once I did that, I decided to share my thoughts with the rest of you. I wrote:StanHe diedI wasn't readyI know he wasOnce I laid that grief on you, I felt better. You've been most gracious in your comments, both public and private, but now I'm embarrassed to have taken up so much.
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