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I told Ginny about my confrontation with Howard. She scolded me for being so careless. She knew of my desire to take a lover. She does not approve. She warned me that Howard would never accept it. She can't understand why I would want to cheat on him. She sees him as the perfect husband. She's right of course. He is perfect. Too perfect.Why am I so hell-bent on self-destruction? Why do I think I can have my wonderful husband and another man on the side? I don't understand myself. It's not like I haven't had the experience of other men before Howard and I met. I know the difference. I know how much better Howard is than other men. What is driving me to the edge of this cliff?Maybe I am crazy. Maybe I do need psychiatric help. Maybe it does have to do with menopause. Too many questions. Too much confusion. I won't solve these questions lying in bed. It was time to get up and shower. Eat something. Think about what I want to say tonight. Be prepared. Don't let Howard get the upper hand. He looked at a couple across the room; the girl must have said something the guy did not like because he was frowning. The watcher tried to match the frown; tightening the muscles in his forehead. When he thought he had it right he moved on to the next table; two women were talking, one laughing while telling a story. He smiled and pretended to say words, his lips moving, to see if he could keep the smile on his face; he was pleased with the results. He looked on to the next table and saw a man sitting alone, looking at him. He had a different look on his face, kind of a frown but different. Then it came to him; he was watching me, he's wondering.The Watcher knew he could not just jump up and leave, that might increase the man's curiosity. He looked down at his plate; he had finished his breakfast already so he kept his eyes down and finished his coffee. After a few minutes he left a tip and walked over to the counter to pay his tab. From there he could see the man from the side. He.
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