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.. you’ll be exposed to the world for the freak that you are.”Mom’s mouth fell open, and she nodded.“Good,” I said. “It’s important that you never, ever discuss sex with your children, no matter what the circumstance.”Nod.“When will you discuss sex with your children?”“Never,” Mom said, in a low monotone.“Can you think of any situation where you would discuss sex with me?”“No.”“What about with Lucy?”“No.”“What if she came home with a big biker, and told you he was going to knock her up. Would you talk to her about sex then?”Mom shook her head.“What if they started having sex in front of you?”Shake.“What if...”I leaned in close.“What if when they were done, the biker started grabbing your tits?”Mom’s eyes fluttered, just for a second - maybe bikers are one of her secret fantasies? - before shaking her head.“What if Lucy did?”I could see Mom’s eyes threatening to roll back in her head with pleasure, and I smiled.Session 43: As soon as we got back from seeing Marcie, Lucy jumped me. I. “We did half of them first so that they’d be dry by the time anyone wanted to use them. It didn’t help,” Sean said.“They’re still a little sticky,” Suzie said.Mr. Catchums said, “You should have done half of them yesterday and half today.”“You’re right, but I didn’t think about it,” Sean said shrugging his shoulders. He paused and looked off into the distance for a second. Holding a finger up in the air, he said, “I’ve got the solution to our problem.”“What?” Mr. Catchums asked with a worried expression on his face.Sean answered, “I will go home, invent a time machine, go back to yesterday, paint half of the picnic tables, and return to the current time. Problem solved.”“There’s no need to go to all of that trouble,” Mr. Catchums said.Sean said, “It is no trouble at all. All I have to do is make one of the greatest discoveries in the history of physics. There’s nothing to it.”“I’m serious. There’s no need to go to all of that trouble. I decided last night that I’m not going to open.
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