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When I got in my room, I stepped out of my heels, took my dress, nylonsand slip off. I was curious to see what I looked like down there afterthe surgery. I walked into my bathroom, still in my panties and bra,pulled my panties down, smiling at the maxi pad in my panties and stoodin front of the mirror looking at and feeling my now empty ball sac.I doubt there are many fourteen year old boys that would feel as happyas I did that I no longer had a set of balls, but I just smiled. Itenderly felt my empty sac as it was still a little numb and sore. Therewas nothing, the part of me that could have changed me from a boy into aman was gone.Not that I don't love my Dad and Mike, I do, but the thought of goingthrough puberty as a boy and becoming a testosterone filled, hairy,muscle bound alpha guy like them, scared me.That's the whole reason I took the chance and bought the hormones andthe blockers on mom's card. I wasn't ready to come out that I wanted tobe a girl, not realizing, but really I. My research of scientific endocrinology journals to determinemy best course of treatment eventually swayed him. On February 14 of 2006 I found myself in possession of my first round ofhormone treatment. I was beyond terrified at the journey I was about tostart. My mind couldn't grasp the complexity of the journey I was about tostart. By coincidence, I made contact with a long lost friend namedLucinder starting HRT on the same day. We deemed to make it a holiday tobe known as "Fuck you" Day. If I had known as a child how drastically estrogen and anti-androgenswould affect my mind and personality, I would have done it years ago.Testosterone is a cruel master - and to keep it in check a wonder drugcalled spirolacetone is used. Although it's originally meant to lowerblood pressure, it wipes out testosterone in a wonderful fashion.Estradil Estradiol, a member of the 17b estrace class is another wonderdrug. When I take these pink pills four times daily I thank them deeplyfor the access to.
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