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Of course mom had them all of the drapes wide open just so that we might get caught closing them. It was Beth’s job to stand before the window, reach out both arms, and pull the drapes together. Mom really got off on watching Beth expose herself in front of the window like that. Mom would do one of the front windows herself. Once things were all set downstairs we then went upstairs for the rest of the evening.Soft music is playing in the hallway, the candles are lit in the bathroom, and the bath water is started. I am always the first to stand before the white porcelain toilet and pee. Then it is Beth’s turn to sit down and pee while we stand there and watch her. Finally mom sits on the toilet and goes too before she flushes it. Mom says that it is to save water. That is why we all go to the bathroom together and my sister and I take our baths together too. At least that is mom’s story and she is sticking to it. I think that it is purely sexual and Beth thinks the same thing. The. I shook my head no, but I couldn't look her in the eyes. She asked againand I finally broke down and told her about me. I told her that I alwayswished I had been a girl; that I felt like I was a girl inside and that Ihated what I was. I told her that I felt like I was a straight girltrapped inside this body. I even told her that I often thought aboutsuicide because of it. I was sobbing while I told her everything. Kathyhugged me for a long time after I told her. I felt relieved to havefinally told someone. Kathy told me she would be there for me and helpme any way she could.It wasn't long after that night that my father passed away. He was outof town on a business trip and had a massive heart attack. I was sadover it, but I was also relieved. I gave my mother a few months togrieve and then I finally decided to tell her about me. I sat her downone night and spilled my guts. I told her about me feeling like a girland wanting to do something about it. She was shocked to say.
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