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The girl looked just like the "Ugly Canadian", that's for damn sure.Hey, don't start laughing just yet, partner. No, no. I haven't told you the worst part. Not by a long shot.Must say, she was dressed just a *little* different from the folks around here.First thing you'd notice was the wool skirt that hung on her just like an old potato sack. Couldn't believe the damn thing was almost dragging the ground. My, my. Never saw that exact color of drab gray before.She was also wearing a black, bulky knit sweater. Yep, bulky fucking knit sweater. Yah, and it was buttoned up all the way from her waist to her chin.There was a great big old crucifix hanging around her neck on some sort of chain. Well, I guess it did sort of fit in with everything else she was wearing."Is that a bible in her hand?" Oh, shit, a prude and a religious fanatic.Never saw anything like her, before or since.As you might guess, most of the people waiting at the gate were kind of looking at her dumbstruck. Wow.Yes sir,. .. a celebration of sorts, commemorating an end to searching for a new house.I stood suddenly and shook my head. Sarah would be coming home any minute now ... she had sounded upset on the phone; the least I could do for her is to greet her upon her return.I turned on some lights on my way down stairs. After all, I didn't live alone anymore ... this place had to look hospitable.'This place had to look hospitable ... for my girlfriend.'I grinned to myself ... we hadn't really had time for romance ... I wondered how presentable I could make this place look in twenty minutes.I turned the lights back off ... and went hunting for some matches.I was ready ... everything was in place.I paced nervously by the front door ... listening carefully for the sound of the car. A soft concerto played in the background, a keening violin and a rich timbered piano in perfect harmony ... nothing more romantic than the classics ... I wished I had my father's record player ... but my new sound system would.
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.. but I ended up having to spend a few days in the hospital because I had like this fifteen-pound shit, and it smelled something God-awful, lemme tell ya!”Trey and several people in hearing distance of their group were laughing almost uncontrollably.Frank, Tim, and Trey were standing outside, in the house’s backyard, in line for another beer. The kegs inside the house were now floating, and rumor had it the kegs outback were still flowing, so most of the party animals decided to go outside for a few breaths of fresh air. The story proved true, but the kegs were beginning to show signs of quickly emptying.“Hello?” Frank answered his phone, “Wait for just a second, can you say that again?” A huge smile lit up across his face like sunrise at dawn. He hung up and directed his friends, “Come on inside. Something is comin’ on the news we gots to see!”Frank grabbed Tim by his shirt and pulled Tim into the house at a quick step, only slowing to avoid running over other party guests.“What is.

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