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He feels beat down by life. Not much in the mood to think about when the days were filled with laughing, flirting, and fun. He has been to enough therapy to know that when he is bummed out that is exactly when he thinks of her the most. She is the symbol of what he wanted – passion, excitement, energy, a challenge, a connection of mind and body. He nods his head when they say, ‘it wasn’t her she wanted, she just represented all of it.’ Given enough time and access it would have happened with any woman. This. Woman. Means. Nothing. He promises to come back to reality, get his head screwed on straight again, suck it up. He does ok for a while but then the numbness starts to wear him down and he lets himself drift. This week is particularly crappy – it’s his birthday. At this time last year he could be with her everyday. If not in person, over Skype. If not over Skype, then in notes and recordings he made to know she was smiling because of him. If not in writing, then he could remember. I had no idea how I was going to start this, so I just thought honesty was best. I explained the situation, and the guy laughed. I sat confused. I went to get up and he grabbed my arm. He said that if a pretty little girl wants to suck his cock, he was more than happy to oblige. We walked to the quieter end of the departure lounge and he ushered me into the mens washroom. I felt so dirty, but so alive. Its hard to explain, like my first real task to please HIM, and I would do everything to make sure I completed it right. I could only imagine HIM being so proud of me blowing this complete stranger. The guy walked into the stall and I followed, he lowered the seat and sat on it. I almost forgot. I went into my purse and pulled out a letter. HE had mailed it to me a week previous, and it was to be given to my blow job choice. The guy opened the letter and read. He put the letter into his pocket and unzipped his pants and leaned back. I had no choice but to kneel on the washroom floor,.
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