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The open part of the sluice showed us nothing. There was a chance something had collected in the sluice's carpet, since we were using it there as well. The water was always muddy so it was hard to see anything but large flakes and we really weren't expecting any of those.Day two came to a close with the trench behind the dam's foundation about two feet wide and twenty feet long. It was also about a foot deep. I wasn't the worlds fastest trencher. Wilson had to stop the washing to help me dig now and then."Wilson, you are keeping those pebbles mixed with the silt aren't you," I asked."Yeah but only those that look like quarts. The granite ones get a quick look for veins then tossed on you dam to help with the water pool." Wilson replied. He had a five gallon bucket from home depot about 1/3 full of quarts crystals.The washing and digging were both back breaking work. I just loved it. It felt good to only be concerned with things which I could manipulate. I didn't have to think about. At first I discovered how much I enjoyed playing Indians and Cowboys with the boys, being captured, tied and "tortured". Many times I would wish that they had gone further but they probably neither had the nerve nor the imagination. We were actually starting to unleashing feelings that many would think would have been better off being suppressed. Our games gave us a perfect alibi. You can imagine that I was dreaming of our games many a night and how they could advance further. At the same time, I had to restrain myself not to go to far. Already then, I realized that I had to be very discreet and as I grew up, my obsession became a very secret part of myself. Dating boys I found just boring as nobody realized what I was longing for and I had no one to talk to about it. Sex in some way felt like a half measure without what I was dreaming of. In all secrecy, I started practising self discipline in my early teens and afterwards, everything felt just so much more meaningless and empty. It.
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