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He hasn’t moved. As I come closer, I see how tall he is, how his face is marble-hard, the lips full as though pushed out from within, the eyes hooded, the nose flat-bridged, every plane of his skull defined as sharply as mason-chiseled stone. While we wear blue denim, white cheesecloth and chamois leather, he is all in black. It matches his eyes.I lean in. “This is kind of wild, huh?” I say, all wide-eyed to make my blues bluer against the kohl.He surveys the dance floor. “Hot, young blood,” he says.I have to shout to be sure of being heard, but I understand him even though his lips barely move. His black hair is cropped to battlefield brevity. I wonder if he is on leave. My friends wouldn’t like that. They don’t have time for the military. I glance back to them, but they are too deep in the dance to notice me.“Were you in ‘nam?” I ask, my stomach squeezing. He shakes his head and my spine unwinds. I notice the drink in his hand is down to the dregs.“Thirsty?” I shout.“Always.”With. The following morning, I crept downstairs after a horrendous night, I hadput my clothes in a black bag and put them in the bin, I went into thebreakfast room where my wife was waiting, two cups of tea were on thetable, I sat down and looked at her with tears in my eyes, "Right" shesaid, "Before anything, is it to do with me, or anything I have not donefor you," Tears were now coming into her eyes, "Do you want to become awoman," she said bluntly, I started sobbing again saying, " No I justwanted to try you clothes on that's all, I don't know why." I knew I waslying, but I was afraid of being on my own. "Do you love me," she said. Ireplied, Of course I do, I love you, you are my whole life." I knew againI was lying, but it was just coming out of my mouth, I think throughfear.The truth was yes, I wanted to be a woman, yes, I loved her, but not as awife more of a sister. I could not hurt her in any way, so the only thingwas to lie to her, it made me feel really sick inside that I was.
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