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One intrepid spermatozoon was only caught a Lilliputian hands-breadth from the Empress’s lower lips. Had he, for a spermatozoon must be a he, succeeded in his object the consequences might have been dire since the Empress was still of childbearing age and had ovulated a couple of days before Ladies’ Day. The Empress and the ladies of the court withdrew, still naked because their clothing was infested with wriggling spermatozoa, vowing revenge on the inadvertent cause of their distress. Once they were out of earshot the crowd of assembled ladies of lesser status gave me three loudhuzzahs. I was apprehensive of the result of the Empress’s ordeal as was later proven in her animosity recorded in my already published account. Perhaps this additional episode will show that her enmity toward me had a greater cause than the extinguishing of the conflagration at her apartments. I had used the tool that had been the instrument of her previous indignity and reminded many of that earlier. I am so, so, so, so, very sorry Warren, that was the dumbest thing Ive ever done. Do you need anything else? He looks at me and manages the ghost of a smile. I….hope thats the dumbest youve ever done or will do. Do you have an ice bag? I flee the room in search of it. It takes but seconds to prepare, but I grab his wineglass and the bottle as I head back in. Heres the ice bag, and maybe the wine will help? I ask timidly. He looks at me and a tiny hint of his grin comes back. It cant hurt! He slam the rest of the glass and I hurry to pour him another, which he swigs half of in one gulp. Well, Ive never had that happen before. he says. Im pretty sure Ive never DONE that before. Will you be all right? I feel horrible! He manages a weak chuckle. Ill be all right. In a few hours or a day or so. Im not going horseback riding anything soon, however. I risk a small giggle. No, I suppose not. I just….didnt think. I wanted to be smooth and seductive, and then I thought silly and fun. Do I look.
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