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I couldn't focus. It was likewatching TV in Iceland, except this time there were no subtitles. Theactors' voices merged with the noise from the street below. I just laidthere as the sun went down, watching the shadows move slowly across theback wall.Different scenarios ran through my mind. Maybe Rich could find me adeal quickly with a big healthy advance. I knew, from experience, thatwas unlikely. Even if he got me a deal quickly, new writers rarely gotmuch in the way of an advance. I'd beg Jeremy for work, maybe under anassumed name, but even in desperation, the possible humiliation felt toohard to bear.My fists balled up, I punched the sofa. It started as a quick thing butthen I found I couldn't stop myself. I pounded and pounded away untilthe bottoms of my fists were raw and the downstairs neighbour wasbanging on the ceiling.I'd never felt anger like that before. It was all consuming. If Jamiehad walked in right then, I could have killed her. Or harmed myself.Crazed. Each night I was greeted by my own a dark, desolate hovel. I’ve exchanged polite gestures with him almost everyday, nodding and smiling at him as we passed. We’ve spoken lightly, never really fascinated at what each other had to say. Although I do admit that he was fascinated with a whole other facet of our encounters. I always noticed, as we were conversing together, his eyes constantly milled about. Fixed on my body, navigating every curve and angle, his eyes were unable to hide his intentions and desires from me. This slightly excited me. What would it be like to be with someone like him? A young girl like myself and a man like him, so accelerated in his years. Would he even know or recall how to please a woman? Would he have the stamina to accomplish whatever his body yearned for? Would the thought of him actually being allowed to experience this be enough to arouse me? I lay in bed for hours, wondering about all of this. It was exciting and fun to think of the possibilities..
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