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We had a cold tiled floor downstairs and I saw that my slippers had beenreplaced with a pink pair of slippers or a pair of court shoes with athree inch heel.I chose the pink slippers trying to kid myself that they looked moremasculine than the court shoes. I wondered whether I would end upwearing those heels before or after my first bra.Having lost my job I had felt a sense of being emasculated. I had pridedmyself on being the breadwinner in our relationship and that had beentaken away from me. This feeling of being emasculated was enhanced bywhat Sarah had done to my trousers and was doing to my wardrobe..I felt powerless.It was like I was being fucked.I couldn't do anything about it.I had no will of my own and had become a spectator of my own life. Itwas no longer about what I was doing, but what was being done to me.These are classic symptoms of depression or the blues.As I sat there waiting for the kettle to boil, Sarah came into thekitchen."John, you know that when you dress. After a few days, when we were talking, she casually brought up that incident. I admitted to her that I’m attracted to sex. She said it’s fine. She said that she has lots of experience in sex and there’s nothing wrong with that. She confessed that she goes to private parties organized by friends or friends of friends. She just goes there like a party girl and has some fun with the guys, and if she likes a guy, she has sex with him. She said that it’ll be nice and the guys would provide her with presents.Then I realized how she could afford all those branded cosmetics and accessories. She asked me whether I would like to join her. Initially, I was taken aback by this. I’ve has sex once during a past relationship (rather an unfortunate relationship). But I’ve never tried anything like that.She said that I don’t need to have sex but just come and visit the parties a couple of times with her. If I liked it, then she could introduce me to her friends. I wasn’t sure about that, so I just.
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