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I was sincerely frightened of the pain and of being dominated and punished by someone other than my master. What would he do when he found out? I was also becoming increasingly alarmed at the arousal I was feeling which mingled with the throbbing pain and piercing suspense. I heard the first stroke land before I felt the fiery sting I had never before experienced. I felt a constellation of stars explode across my ass. I lost my breath. Sylvia cleared her throat. Oh, yes, the words, the words! “Thank you, Ma’am. I will never again waste your time…Mistress.” The strokes came one after another. I fought the tears until I couldn’t anymore. I felt them wash down my face in a shameless stream. I held position, though, and I followed Sylvia’s commands. She finally told me to stand. I felt wobbly and my chest was heaving as I cried openly. She reached behind me and turned on the shower. “Clean yourself off, sweet girl. We are almost finished.” I turned to the stream of warm water and let it. But how did I feel. I certainly didn't feel as if "the momentI put on the dress my 'inner girl' magically appeared," or did I. Likeany good shrink, Dr. H. began to delve deeper and deeper. Being the kindof person I am, with a few close friends and no more than one or twopeople I would ever confide in, this was very new territory for me. Dr.H. gently steered me through these uncharted waters. Of course we wentback through my childhood and adolescence, mining them for whatever cluesthey might provide.It would be very tidy and it would make a good story if I told you thatthere was some "aha" moment or some epiphany where it all came togetherin a blinding flash and I could walk out of Dr. Hansen's office a newperson ready to face all of life's challenges. It would be nice, but itwouldn't be true. When I agreed to see her, I knew that therapy with Dr.Hansen wasn't going to be easy and it wasn't going to be quick. I'll comeback to that later in my story, but suffice it to say that I was.
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