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‘Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my fav’rit cow, into de trailer and was drivin’ her down de road when this huge Maclean potato truck and trailer came tundering tru a stop sign and hit me trailer right in da side. I was trown into one ditch and Bessie was trown into da udder. By Jaysus I was hurt, very bad like, and didn’t want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moanin’ and groanin’. I knew she was in terrible pain just by her groans.Shortly after da accident, a policeman on a motorbike turned up. He could hear Bessie moanin’ and groanin’ too, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes.Den da policeman came across de road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, ‘Mr. Drover, how are you feelin’?’... ‘Now yer honor, wot da fock would you say?’“Beer Stories”Three friends are sitting around their favorite pub. The first guy says “Hey guys, I know this other bar where you go in and. “Uh-ugh,” he contradicted. “You surrendered, remember,” he reminded as he stood with her in his arms. She gasped in alarm at her sudden elevation and hooked her hands behind his neck and her ankles together as his broad palms supported the underside of her thighs. He kissed her hungrily as he manoeuvred them towards a door labelled ‘Management’, pressing her back against the wall as he sucked on her neck while he entered a code into the small key pad nestled between her head and the door jam. When the internal lock emitted an audible click he stared down into her eyes as he grinned at her with that Big Bad Wolf smile of his. “That means I get to keep you.” And he carried her through the door before kicking it shut behind him. Sienna barely had time to register the masculine setting of the room, obviously his office, before he’d rested her on the corner of a desk the size of an independent European nation and blithely thrust aside a dozen manila folders to make room for her as he.
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