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But now the moment’s here, Gaia. It’s time to transform.’ I feel a sudden surge of irrational anger. ‘My name is Dottie, you bitch!’ I shout. I suddenly realize in a flash of enlightenment that I don’t want enlightenment at all. I don’t want to be perfect. I want to be someone who laughs at dirty jokes and kisses strangers and drinks on Sundays and gets laid with silly boys who play the guitar. I want to be me. And one thing I know about Gaia, she’s not me. I lash out to slap her, but it’s like dredging my hand through pudding. She shimmers, and I can feel sticky tendrils of her clinging to my hand as I pull away. She’s not finished, I realize in a sudden understanding that’s not entirely my own. She’s still only a thoughtform, she needs a body. She needs my body. She’s going to take my body, flow inside of me and ‘purge’ me of the unwanted things, and then she’ll be real and I’ll be the ghost- I turn to run, but it’s far too late for that. She’s on me with inhuman speed, and I feel. There was an awkard silence.Tim then suggested I join him on a trip to his dorm room. He had forgotten a text book which he needed to look over break before the next semester (Spring). I wasn't sure what he had in mind but, I did have a feeling that he wanted us to be alone. I did ask how he would enter the building and he said at his school (a small private school) students had keys to the building and rooms. I thought it was great. It was a terribly cold day and windy with some snow. We started south of Pittsburgh to north of Pittsburgh (PA). It would be about a 90 mile trip The uneasiness left with in 5 minutes of .the begiining of the trip. The conversation quickly turned toward sex. We did discuss a few of the girls we knew in high school and which ones we were attracted to which lead to the question of how much trouble it would be to have sex with them. I mentioned not only that but I would like to be spanked and tied up just like tha magazine we had purchased over.
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