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“You wouldn’t believe how boring it gets calling everyone ‘Mr. This and Mrs. That.’” She put on a mock-posh accent to enunciate the names, and it made me smile. I took her hand and shook it gently. “I’m Jade,” she added. “Almost the same, right?”It took me a second to decipher what she meant. “Oh, right!” I replied. “Jake and Jade. I get it.” I released her hand and stuck my hands in my pockets as I felt my old friend Mr. Social Awkwardness enter the room. Whatever improvements Dianne had made to me, my ineptitude at maintaining conversations with people – especially attractive women – was still apparent. Last night it hadn’t been a problem, but then I’d had alcohol on my side. After an excruciating silence, Jade announced she was off to tidy up my quarters. Grateful to be done with the exchange, and cursing my social autism, I made for the kitchen.“Oh, Jake?” Jade’s head popped out of my room as I was preparing my food. “Two girls left just after I arrived. They said to say goodbye.. That key was also copied. There wasn’t much in the way of valuables as far as I could judge and I’ve nicked a few in my time. Even the TV sets were old and not plasma. There was quite a stack of turntable, amplifiers etc in one room where a huge collection of vinyl records was racked, but apart from that, nothing really. I found out, the occupants were moving soon and a lot of stuff had gone elsewhere.Upstairs, again no great pictures, sculptures and odd little collections of porcelain you often see on landings. I thought about checking the underwear as I often do, being an inveterate panty sniffer, but she didn’t grab me as sexy or remotely interesting, sex wise, I know you can be wrong judging a book by its cover, but not this time I surmised. The other three bedrooms seemed to be stale and unoccupied, so no young daughter’s panties around either.“All done,” I called out from the kitchen.“Ah OK, ‘ she replied, waving and coming to the house. “Sorry, I should have offered you a cup.
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