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"Yes, I heard that too. But there is nothing wrong with that? You need all kinds in life. That makes it exciting.", I said with a wink at the guys. "Oh, yeah... I didn't mean it like that. I have experimented with him sometimes.", said Erik-Jan. "Kinky... Yes, those swimmers can never stay away from each other's naked bodies.", I joked and we all laughed loudly. "A little experimentation can't hurt at our age, right?", Stevan said. "Nope, Sex is just nice. As long as there is a hole to fill then I don't care what hole it is...", I said. And at that moment we instinctively knew that we had all done something that we would not normally talk about with others.But it somehow felt good to know. Stevan started to tell what he had done. And Erik-Jan tried to out do him. He explained in scents and colors what, with whom, where, and how often he had already had sex with boys. And that according to him there was a real difference between sex with guys and girls. I couldn't stay behind after his. Try to understand if you can.With that, the CD ended and all of my worst fears had come home to me. I went into the bedroom and lay down on the bed that I would no longer share with my husband and I cried until I could cry no more. I stayed there until it was too dark to see and then I just took off my clothes and crawled under the covers. I slept finally and awoke late the next morning.I played the CD again and again; looking for anything that would give me some hope, but there was nothing there. I reviewed the divorce papers looking there for something, but again, nothing. I was beginning to believe that I could do nothing but accept the life I now had but I couldn't let myself do that. I began to plan.First, it was clear that Al still loved me even after what I did. He left because he loved me and wanted to set me free. He didn't understand that I didn't love Woody and that I didn't want anyone to replace him. I would never love Woody nor would I ever marry him or any other man..
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