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’ Then she turned her face away from me and looked straight out. I didn’t really know what to think, I just looked at her for a while and said, ‘Katie, I don’t have a clue as to what is going on between us. I know what I am feeling and I think I know what you are feeling, but you have this damn wall up. Am I upset? I guess that I should be, but she is your friend and I can’t tell you what you can or cannot do or whom you can do it with. I just wish I knew what was going on inside of your heart about me, that is all.’ Her breathing got a little deeper and she still looked ahead as she said, ‘Jean knows me better than anyone. She told me back in the playroom that I always had to be in control. Even when I was on the bottom that I still had to be in control and that I would never learn the truth until I totally gave up all control.’ Katie looked at me for a few seconds then went back to looking straight ahead. ‘So starting now,’ she finished with, ‘And until you decide that it is over, I. But still I trembled, and turned this way and that. Then I felt foolish for behaving in such a manner. I forced myself to calm and walk in a straight line. Though I may have denied it at the time, I don't have to tell you that fear does not subside at will, especially alone in the night. As I pretended indifference, my palms still sweated and my heart still pounded in my throat.Then I saw her.She appeared as if out of nowhere. I had heard no sound, nor seen any movement. I had simply looked into a dark alley, then blinked, then opened my eyes to see her before me. She was the very image of perfection: her hair shone silver in the moonlight and her face was even more pale than the thin white dress she wore against the chill. In that instant, my fear was gone. I was entranced, my every thought bent toward her, my very soul pouring out into her cold, dark eyes.She glided back into the darkness of the alley, and I had no choice but to follow her. When I say I had no choice, it is not.
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