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About 20 minutes later she called me back. She had a cancellation at 3:45pm. She just wanted to offer it to me if I thought I would like to come in.I said sure. Why not.We sat and she asked a couple questions. Then asked me about my original question as I had mentioned her disclaimer in the voicemail.I explained that somewhere in there, so long ago, was an early trigger for my hidden darkness. That little girl, and I, had suffered such horror and pain at 10 years old. She reassured me that she was much more qualified to deal with victims than perpetrators. Ahhhh, then I realized what she had meant all along.I only broke down a little bit in going over the details. She offered me a glass of water. I happily took this proffered drink. She let me go on as I related the details which seemed so fresh after 43 years in hiding.She knew where I had been a year ago. She knew we had covered many topics. Some hard. Some silly. But never as dark as this.We both were able to conclude this was no. But that’s another thing that I think I remember: the more I think about it, the more I kind of feel like I’m actually supposed to be here.’ ‘Really?’ asked the voice. ‘Yeah, I can’t say why, or how, but now that I’ve had a chance to calm down a little it’s not like I feel like I have to escape or ‘get out of here’ any more, you know? It’s more that I’m just … confused. Like there’s something I’m supposed to do. And I want to just … do *that*, you know, just … do whatever I’m supposed to do. ‘But I just can’t figure out what that is,’ continued the patient. ‘Hey, do you … know what I’m supposed to do?’ ‘What? No, how the f– No. Look, from what you’ve told me, you could be anywhere. It sounds like a mental ward, frankly, so maybe you do belong there. You act like you don’t even know your own name, or how you got to … wherever you are, so maybe you are there for your own good and you just don’t know it.’ ‘Yeah, could be I guess. One way or the other I actually don’t feel much like.
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