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I was starting to panic. Tears were streaming down my face as I began to cry hard.Holding up his hands, he tried to be calm, and soothing. “Listen to me… Courtney… You’ve got a good name to have. Goes both ways, and you aren’t a bad-looking guy at all. Vanessa would have been interested in you. But you need to get used to this. If there is a way to change, I don’t know what it is. Believe me, I’ve looked.” His voice sounded sorrowful.“The hardest part was faking Vanessa’s death. I had to think about it long and hard, but it was the only way to get my parent’s to move on. Can you imagine how they would take this? My dad had a heart condition. I figured with a clean break they could mourn over was better than anything else. They would never believe I was me.” His head was shaking softly as he ended.“So… there is absolutely no way to go back?” I was in disbelief.“No. The old Courtney is now a new Courtney.”I had to give him credit, he was sugar-coating it pretty well.“So what do I do? I. ”“Still,” I replied, “I’d like you to tell me how you like it before we start. I would be more comfortable, if you know what I mean.”“I know what you mean,” she answered more seriously. “There was a time I too was shy of the things I like.”“Things you like? You don’t - you’re not…” I started in alarm and faltered, confused and lost for words.“What? What is it you’re so afraid of?” She chuckled.“Well I just have a problem with all the submissive-dominant bullshit, and most girls seem to be really into it,” I confessed.“Rest assured I’m not one of them.” Julia grinned. “I might like some strong language, though.” She winked playfully. “And a bit of physical force. But not in an abusive way.”“Language and force are fine with me, as long as those are not in harness with humiliation or pain. I like to use a bit of strength on a woman, but I think it’s sick to wish to hurt and degrade a person you pretend to care about,” I said with disgust.“A bit of pain may also be welcome sometimes,” she.
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