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“Do I need one? Mom, do I need a bra? Can you see anything?”“Only your nipples, if you care at all?” mom said.“Nothing is wrong with what our daughter is wearing. You look beautiful, darling. Need any money, Jim?” Dad asked getting out his wallet.“Sure. I’ll never turn down money. We can get some Blake T-shirts. Do you want us to get one of each for you folks?”“No,” dad said handing me $80. “I’d never wear one of those. Get one for your mother to wear. She’d look good in one, don’t you think?”“That is one hot woman you have there, dad. While we’re gone, maybe you two could get busy. I’ve always wanted a little brother.”“James!” mom blushed.“I’m just saying,” I said.After dinner was over, I went to mom and quietly said, “You would look hot in a size too small T-shirt. Especially without a bra on.” I gave her a kiss on the cheek. We left.Ten minutes later, I get a text, ‘Get me the smallest T-shirt you can find.’Another five minutes later, ‘I’ll wear it for you first, to make sure it. That's part of the problem right there. I didn't care.Shit. Jenny must be right. I am a closed book. So if that's the problem, the obvious solution is let myself open up. To get beyond the simple expedient of being 'the boyfriend' and allowing them to see the real me, which is terrifying to contemplate.Why was that such a scary thought? Fear of rejection? Well, I should be used to that by now. Except, I always took comfort in the idea that they weren't really rejecting me, because they didn't really know the 'real' me. They were rejecting my version of 'the boyfriend'.I was slowly realizing, that playing the boyfriend was a dead end, had always been a dead end, and if I ever wanted something like long-term happiness I'd have to be honest with them and myself. I'd have to learn how to be myself, which was a weird thought. I wonder if I could practice somehow. Maybe go out to bars and see what it felt like to 'be myself', I guess.Ugh.Not long after I found out about masturbation, and.
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