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Not really holding hands, just touching.The DJ was taking a break, so we could talk. Ron the guy I came over with, was making some headway with a girl from the mail room. Nancy noticed this also.She said, "I am having a great time, beats going home to an empty house."I just looked at her.She explained, "Gary, my husband is away. He comes back tomorrow. Not that it would make much difference."I replied, "I know the feeling, sometimes."She just said, softly, "Go on."I said, "Well if I was home, I would be in the den, working on the computer, and Judy, my wife, would be glued to the TV. Sometimes I hate that TV."Nancy looked like she understood, and she said, "Been there, done that, Gary likes to watch his sports, and he always has to have his beer."I just nodded in return.She then said, "He has a small drinking problem, and that has kind of come between us some. I just miss the affection, God I miss that."I said, "I know, that is what I miss, someone saying they are always there for. All kinks catered for. Yours for just £3000.And the letters and money just come pouring in, it really is most gratifying.Anyway, when I was stuck in that dingy office with Janine and her green eye shadow she banged on and on about how these columns weren't about me but about the saddos and their letters. Really? When I say 'banged on' I mean that quite literally because she had some cheap biro that she kept tapping on the table to emphasise each word, and if that isn't the most annoying personal habit imaginable then I don't know what is. So, just for you Janine, let's go 'to the letter'. Though it's more of a novella than a letter really, and not just any old novella but one of those really dreary Henry James novellas that insist on telling you where the tablecloth was made and how many pieces of cutlery were on the table and what cakes were served and in which order. Now I love a bit of late Victorian chick-lit as much as the next girl but in an advice column letter? What's wrong.
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