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After a few moments of self-indulgence, I drifted off to sleep. I woke up at 4:30AM and my lap top was still sitting on the bed beside me. I turned it off and drifted back to sleep. My alarm clock buzzed at 7:00 and I shot out of bed. I quickly slipped on my spandex and a spandex sports top and headed out the door for my usual morning run. Thirty minutes later, I was back in my tiny apartment and in the shower. Stepping out the shower, I caught a glimpse of my fat ass in the bathroom vanity. I was proud of the fact that I had managed to lose about twenty pounds, but I still had a ways to go. Suddenly, I heard a knock at the door. I glanced at the alarm clock on my dresser. It read "9:00AM". Steve was early. I hated that! I wrapped a towel around my body and cracked open my front door. I peered around the corner, ‘You’re early,” I remarked, seeing that it was indeed, Steve. “I can come back,” Steve remarked. There was no way I was going to let him leave. I opened the door and. How do you get a farm girl to like you? A tractor.What do you call a red haired baker?A ginger bread man.My old Granddad always used to say ‘when one door closes another opens’Lovely man. Rubbish cabinet maker.Be careful what you binge eat. Yesterday I ate a can of alphabet soup and today I had the largest vowel movement ever.Q: Which song is known for inciting new-borns to altercate with with a small classical Greek string instrument vaguely similar to a small harp?A: “Come on baby fight my lyre”.Q. What’s covered in cling film and swings through the bell tower in a cathedral?A. The lunch pack of Notre Dame!A story from Reltney McFee New Joke Candidate.The Flood JokeThere was this guy, lived in New Orleans. The news announced that The! Big! Hurricane! Was on the way, and everybody ought to evacuate to higher ground, inland.The guy shrugged, and said, “I will trust in The Lord!”The storm approached closer, water was running in the streets. The police drove through, over their.
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