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”“Wow! Is the exception that food poisoning infection?”“As a matter of fact, yes! I did some math on the STDs. In 2002, one out of 200 Americans got a sexually transmitted disease.”“That’s not too terrible.”“I disagree. At that rate, one of every three Americans will get an STD in their liftime.”“Oucheewowa! No wonder Sonya makes such a big deal about sex before marriage. Did you ever get one Mom?”“No, Jeff. And I’m 100% certain that I don’t have one.”“How’s that?”“You probably heard of safe sex.”“Yeah, you use protection.”“Right. That reduces your risk a lot, but you’re still at risk.”“So how do you know for sure that you don’t have an STD? Did a doctor tell you?”“No. No test can give you a definite answer.”“Mom, I’m missing something here.”“I haven’t had sex since I got pregnant eleven years ago.”“You’re kidding! You only had sex once!?”“No, Jeff, several times.”“You mean that bastard shagged you more than once! I’ll kill him!”“Jeff, I know how much you hate your father. But I need. .umm, Did you get my message? I’m have to apologize. I was really pissed off when I left it. This photographer I was working with screwed up a very important photo shoot I did for my portfolio. I have a really important audition in three days and I can’t even submit my portfolio without some very specific shots.” Lisa began speaking faster and faster and I could by her tone of voice that she was getting upset all over again. So, I politely interrupted her. “Listen, I hear what you’re saying. Try not to be upset, I think I may be able to help you. If you’d like, you can come by the studio and you can tell me exactly what you need and you and I can get it done,” I said, trying to sound calming. It didn’t work. Lisa continued to get upset, “ Everything was fine, you know? All the work was done!! Weeks of planning!! And then, then, the idiot melts the data stick! The fucking idiot melted it! Can you fucking believe that?" “ Okay, okay,” I said, again, trying to use my best soothing.
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