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The only person I had really talked to so far was Suzana, but our friendship was just starting.I realized that I had no close emotional support, and that was frightening. It felt like when I had been without Jennifer and Melanie and had just broken up with Becky. I had been adrift and alone. Like then, I was surrounded by people and still alone.I recorded my first cassette letter to Jennifer. I just talked into the tape recorder for twenty-five minutes, pouring out everything that was on my mind and in my heart. I wrote a short note to the Anderssons telling them how things were going. I also bought Karin a birthday card and a small gift that I put in a box and addressed to her mom to give her on her birthday. I’d mail everything on Monday from the Post Office near to Schillerska.Saturday came, and I wasn’t really feeling up to ice skating, but I had promised. Being with Sofia, Petra and Tomas cheered me up a bit, but I was still just kind of going through the motions. I walked so. She looked over at me as she said that, taking her eyes off of Ahmed for just a second as she said them, and the expression on her face was complex, but what came across the most potently to me, was a certain astonishment. This was because of the times she and I had had intercourse, she'd never once indicated that she could actually, physically, FEEL my sperm as I ejaculated; but she had most certainly 'felt' it with Ahmed!Later I asked Alicia what she meant by being able to 'feel' Ahmed ejaculating inside of her, and she said it had two things, simultaneously. The first was knowing Ahmed was about to come because she could feel his cock tensing, but more than that, she first felt his sperm flooding into her, and instantly after that, she felt the heat of it as it splashed into her cervical walls, in pulse after pulsing spurt!I'll never forget those words: "I can FEEL it!!" Never. For, at that precise moment, I knew that Alicia and I, even after we were married, would not be the.
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