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I felt guilty under the spreading shade of those giant trees knowing from the viewpoint of basic science that every time I pulled the trigger on my Spencer or one of my bloodletting handguns or hopped into the sack with some delectable female creature from the shadows of the past, I was tempting fate with cosmic graffiti clumsily scattered by my itchy finger or my never satisfied man tool of creation.All around me, memorable human beings were leaving their footprints on the pages of history and I was the joker in the pack unable to fit into any winning hand unless the rules were changed to allow my consideration. It made me feel less than human and more like some visitor from an alien planet using my own species for my pleasure and too dangerous for meaningful actions.I was unable to share my fears with any of my followers or the females that shared my bed because it would taint their thinking about the universe and leave me open to suspicion of witchcraft or some sort of mental. I don’t think it makes any difference to me. It doesn’t change anything between us,The prisoner in me spoke out of turn. Oh, Souvik! I am so relieved to hear that. I always feared that I might lose you after telling you this,” he said and gave me a tight hug, happy that he had just come out to his best friend, who he thought was straight. In the next four years, Joy shared every bit of his gay life with me – guys he hooked up with, his gay friend circle, parties he went to and colorful gossip about handsome Tollywood actors. He was rather amazed that I never felt awkward to hear all that, instead alwaysexpressed an uncanny interest.He didn’t know that in reality he was lending me a vision of the world I distantly belonged to, but still feared to step into. Meanwhile, I had fallen victim to the new invader of the human life – the internet –the most popular hideout among closeted gays. I had registered with every known gay website, was chatting round the clock with guys across the.
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