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She was a long-haired (down to the middle of her back) blondish lady. Tall, and exotic of face, she had a small smile that made you think she was laughing on the inside.I sat with the ladies until they got ready to leave, and I asked for Connie’s phone number. I told her I would call her the following Monday.When I called Monday, a very surprised and almost angry-sounding Connie answered. She said; “I really didn’t think you would call. You probably wouldn’t understand, but I would estimate that ten guys told me they would call and you are the first that didn’t lie”“I said I would call and I did, I’m sorry I pissed you off. Perhaps I had better find a more placid girl to talk to.” Then I hung up. She really put me off with her voice.A half-hour later there was a knock on my apartment door. When I opened it, Beth was there.“You sure know how to treat a lady, asshole. Connie called me and told me she pissed you off. She said that after you gave it back to her you hung up.” Beth was on. Moreover, even if I were cured, there would still be thatsarcoma waiting for its chance. So I have elected to duck the chemotherapy& let happen what will. As I write this, I am living from one blood trans-fusion to the next--like a modern-day vampire. Believe me, there are many,many worse ways to die. It's creepy, this, *deciding* to die. Because that's what I'vedone, in effect. But you know, our culture has a tendency to valuequantity over quality. Not how good, but how much. But I'm the other way:not how much, but how good. And when you apply that to life itself, in mysituation, there's only one conclusion you can reach. Sir Peter Medawarwould have had a fit. He was one of those who think that as long as you'realive, in no matter how wretched a state, that's enough. Sir Peter is oneof my heroes, but in this particular case he was full of shit. If I were in my twenties & in apparently robust health, I'd bedevastated by all this; but (a) I've been face to face with my.
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