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At first he denied it to himself, that nagging feeling. ‘I’m not nervous,’ he said, letting his inner voice do the talking. Yet he knew it was self-deception. He stopped ladling on the sauce, sat on the stool at the counter and confronted himself. He was nervous at Ai’s visit, it was a fact. He felt the adrenaline, had cold hands and the disturbing feeling in his stomach. ‘But why?’ He had all he wanted in Mei. Beauty, an honest charm, devotion, a playful sassiness, youth and a blow job that boiled his blood, what more could a man want? He loved Mei or he had never loved anyone in his life. He calmed down and analyzed his feelings. It wasn’t the prospect of sex with Ai or watching her on the machine that had him keyed up, so he sought further. Was it her youth and exuberance? She was fun to be with, bright and effervescent, more so than Mei, that was true enough. He didn’t want to compare but thought it was inevitable, and why not? Perhaps it was her frank interest in him that. . I had missed him. But as rarely as it was that he went any place, other to sit out on his deck naked, reading a book ... or openly jacking himself off. To not see him at least, was fairly strange. I finished my coffee, went back inside to pour another and returned.It remained eerily calm, peacefully quiet. "Maybe they're all sleeping in, in order to rest up for the evening," I thought to myself. I'd give it another hour, and then wander over to Darlene and Rub's place. I had a few last minute questions and concerns regarding the party, and in particular my wife Karen's participation. Although I was excited and anxious about the evening, I was also nervous and apprehensive about it as well. Second guessing myself about having actually invited her to attend this thing. There was a lot that could happen either way. And the uncertainty of how she'd react to it once things began to heat up was of some major concern.The fact I had somehow managed to actually "refrain" from doing anything.
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