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I expected anger, resentment, maybe a little pain; but the only thing that I recognized was the pleasure. I'm sure the others were there: as a matter of fact, I was positive of it since I had experienced them all after I had first seen them last night. But that was before I was this close.As Nan turned toward the door and went to open it, I had a few seconds to catch my breath and calm myself down. I had to be very careful: I understood that my feelings were in chaos and my control was ragged at best. Sure, over the past five plus years I had learned control and patience, but those were for things I could control; things that were predictable and for which the rewards and consequences were clear. They never included wives, or ex-wives or children or any of those things that were part of a civilized life. Prison was far from civilized. It was dog-eat-dog where the strong survived and the weak succumbed and the result was a culture that worked. Those with a skill or a talent or some. " Maybe she'll take me back. Maybe she won't." It's undecided. 50-50. There's still hope." But if I call her..." Maybe he says he doesn't love me anymore. Maybe he's moved on and wants to leave me in the past." Hope dashed. It's all over. Nothing but crushing rejection." Better to stay in this limbo of not knowing..." ... than risk getting my heart broken again."Amber nodded. Taking a deep breath, she leaned an elbow against the backrest and then dropped the side of her head against her open palm. "Why do I feel like I'm in High School, too nervous to ask a cute boy out on a date?" Love is love, no matter what age."Amber smiled. "You really get me, you know that? It's one of the reasons I fell in love with you."I blinked, worried that we were slipping down that path again. "Uh ... thanks?"Amber giggled, shaking her head. "This is tragic, you know. I feel like we could've been such a perfect couple, if it weren't for these ... these... soulmates from our past."I smiled and thought of.
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