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"Yes, I suppose they do," I agreed."Cheryl just seems really confident. She has one of those take charge personalities. I mean that in the very best of ways. I feel very safe here. That's important to me." Lois said quietly."Well, I'm glad you feel safe. I honestly do all I can to maintain a safe environment for us all." I admitted."I know," she said as I slipped out the door.Back in my apartment I got to wondering why her son would want to come spend the summer in his mom's cramped apartment. It had a really strange feeling. I knew that not all conspiracies are real, but then again some are. I didn't feel threatened, so I didn't make a fuss about it. Besides it was Lois's problem not really mine. I could very easily ignore him.I had no idea how exhausted I still was until I hit the bed. I slept without the pain meds even though I did feel the leg a bit. I almost got out bed in the middle of the night to take a pill, but I managed to make it through. I had over twenty of the Tylenol. That final nail in the coffin. Too much to bear. I crumpled and my beautiful girlfriends knelt and wept beside me.If I was seventy or eighty, I’d lay a kindly hand on my shoulder in sympathy. Then I’d say something like, ‘Life’s unpredictable.’ I’d think for at least a second about the people I’ve lost and then I’d continue. ‘You need to not dwell on it. You have responsibilities. Your family needs you. You need to be strong for them. Stop your crying now and act like a man. You need to get hold of yourself and help the family.’Right. The seventeen-year-old in me told him to shut the fuck up! What did he ever know about love and family? What does he know about grief? He hardly knew his sisters. He didn’t even cry for Renie. Sanctimonious bastard! Get the fuck out of my head!Maybe we feel more when we are young. Is that the only answer? I thought it was just experience and the callousness of the world that made me feel emotions less strongly when I was an old man. But maybe it is.
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