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I’m glad you rang. It’s always nice to hear your voice, even between yawns.” The sound of another sharp intake of breath filled my ear. “Right, sorry, but I honestly don’t think I can keep awake much longer. Anyway, what I rang for, have you still got the day off tomorrow? Am I gonna see you?” “Yes and yes. Thought we might have a ride out to get some lunch in an out of the way romantic place. That okay?” “Mmm, sounds like a plan. But let’s wait until tomorrow, eh, see how I am? Can you come round about eleven? That’ll give me plenty of time to sleep and get myself presentable for you.” “Yep, eleven’s fine by me.” “Okay, honey. Sleep well and dream of me. Night, night.” I laughed. “Okay Gaynor, my love, see you in the morning.” The sound of a loud “pwah” kiss was followed by the click of disconnection. I smiled and replaced the receiver and looked forward to receiving a few proper kisses. ~~~~~~~~ It was minutes before eleven when I tapped on the door of Gaynor’s apartment. I. I was still quite awake and fantasizing about what I’d have done then if I’d had knowledge of the future. I pondered over and over how, even if it were possible, changing the past would obliterate my present. I had no desire to lose my wife or family, and felt bad for even entertaining thoughts of “what if” and fantasies about an ex who wasn’t even an ex! What had happened between Ruth and I was woven into the tapestry of who and what sort of man I was today. I wouldn’t change that for a second. Yet my mind persisted, wondering what might have been if I’d only realized that Ruth was scared of physical intimacy. She was afraid of losing me as a friend if we didn’t carry our relationship further, and had told me as much when I confessed my feelings of love for her. Ruth had become dependent, almost addicted, to our special brand of friendship with benefits. Did she live in constant fear that I would one day stop being her friend and thus stop providing her with the shelter and.
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