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It made me nuts because he took these big risks – like he wanted us to get caught – or he just couldn’t keep his hands off of me (my preferred version). I should have listened when he crooned, ‘I really like you but I can’t be friends – not with these hands of mine.’ When his energy was around me I was totally intoxicated – could not look or pull away, even with the stakes that high. Sometimes I listen to songs I know he is hearing on his way to work or while running to the grocery store on a Sunday afternoon. Country songs, pop songs – silly or romantic or so sad they make you ache. I like to imagine how he looks singing them and if he ever thinks of me when he hears the lyrics. I wonder how big of an argument we would be having about the horrid political situation or laughing about the obsession with everything Star Wars in our houses. I am relieved we did not have to cut it off when one or both of us started to resent the other for the shit storm we caused but rather the storm. I was naked, as usual at home, and striped him naked in the entry to our house and we fucked just inside the door. I needed him so bad, and this was just the beginning, we fucked in just about every room in the house until both of us couldn’t move anymore. It felt so good having him home, but I felt it was my responsibility to let him know what had been going on with me the past 2 weeks – no secrets between us, even if it was going to cause problems. I had never cheated on him before, and now with a group of guys. I took a deep breath and just told him the story of what I had been doing. He didn’t say a word, just listened and watched me as I spilled my guts. When I was done, I expected all hell to break loose, but instead he just calmly asked a couple of questions – Was I emotionally involved with any of the guys? – no, it was just down home, hard core fucking – Was I going to do it again? It was completely up to my husband. – How did I feel after it was over? Great, for some.
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