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.. Here swallow them down with this’, I heard the Phhhhht of a can opening and the sounds stopped. The screen flashed and the yard appeared, about 15 older blokes wandered about, lots of old Barbour jackets and scruffy shooting tweeds, wellington and work boots. As the camera panned around a couple of the men, turned away or covered the faces.Then the camera turned around further and there in the yard tied to a post was a Horse!It wasn’t huge, but bigger than a pony, it was a dark grey colour with a mottle of white. Its mane was short and spiky and its tail was cut short to about a foot or so and it had been tied about with string in three places down its length.It was a strong looking animal with strong front legs and a round muscular behind and thick muscular back legs, its hooves were black and polished, between its hind quarters hung an ominous cock sheath and an immense pair of bollocks! A voice, the camera operator, it was Billy, he circled the horse, he spoke. ‘This is Louis’. She wanted to know how, or even why, I would have driven back to Crewe after the taxi dropped me off.In the end I got her to calm down a bit, mainly reminding her, that however bad it was for us, it was a lot worse for Fliss. Her anger bubbled up again for a few moments when she realised that the police didn’t seem at all interested in my assault.After she’d hung up I decided to get up. Ouch! ‘Try again only slower this time’ I told myself and managed to make the bathroom without too many grimaces. The sight of my face in the mirror was daunting, with its various blue hues, though I could see some white skin there, which was more than I could say for my arms. I vaguely recalled that they, along with my back, had taken the brunt of the attack. Feeling more than a little self-pity I completed my ablutions, pulled on my dressing gown and limped downstairs, although I couldn’t remember limping up them.Amy and Vicki were in the living room talking when I entered.“God you look a mess Dad!”.
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