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The admiralty said we could use the room across the hall.”We excuse ourselves, then make our way to the other room.Jacob starts things off, “We have bad news for you. Your 4th cousins had a terrible crash in Manchester last night. They left behind a daughter, Lisa Foster, who is in hospital for her injuries sustained in the crash. The only family we can find are you, your mother and your uncle, Sam. Since your Uncle Sam is the only one capable of taking care of her, he will be contacted in a few days. Maybe you want to give him a heads up.”I know it isn’t the sort of thing that Brits typically do, but I pull Jacob in for a hug. He is a bit stiff but doesn’t pull away. When I do, I say, “Thank you, gentlemen. You don’t know how much this means to me.”David states, “It was more than worth seeing the look on The First Sea Lord’s face when you told him off yesterday morning. It was a bit childish, but I sure got a kick out of it.”“David!!! You better not let anybody hear you say that,. The thing felt freaking enormous! I smirked into my pillow, taking a mouthful of hair as I inhaled. I had a giant redwood lodged between the cheeks of my bum. Had it been felled in the night? The trunk moved. Felled trees rarely, if ever got up again. I lay in a puzzled sort of funk. How was I was supposed react to finding a giant redwood poking into my body. How was I supposed to react to the little branches tickling my skin? Chop them off? How would the redwood’s owner react when he discovered that I’d trimmed his branches? I chewed my hair in an effort to keep the noise of laughter inside my body. The trapped laughter helped. The panic subsided and I stopped freaking out. The smooth canopy of the redwood jammed right up against my orifice. Not the orifice I was expecting but an orifice non the less. “Oh my giddy God!” Surely the owner of the giant redwood knew enough about the female anatomy to know that he wasn’t supposed to stick his stump in there! It was touching me..
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