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I stood up, holding his free hand as he quickly finished the drink and setting it on the coaster on the side table. I turned and led him out of the room, turning at the door to the hallway, smiling back at the others, and we disappeared toward the side door nearer the guest house.I had focused on their reaction to taking this next step, the trepidation of this decisive action with their employer, the group awareness of what was happening, and the finality of their actions. For good or bad, there would be no erasing what would be happening. They were putting their trust fully in me that what would be happening tonight would not be a negative in our relationship going forward.As I walked with Albert to the door and across the open space to the guest house, though, it also hit me how much of a step this was for me. My focus on them had blurred my recognition, my acceptance of how much of a step this was also for me. I wasn’t thinking of the employer/submissive relationship change. That. And, it alsomakes me feel good. But, it also confuses me. And, there are just timesthat I'm scared of her." Scared of her?" I'm afraid that she's becoming too strong." Too strong?" That she wants to take over. That she wants me to become her fulltime."Ronnie sat back, and just looked at Jason, and thought, 'Oh God. I'mlosing him. I couldn't stand to lose him. And, I brought this wholething on.' Thinking this, brought tears to her eyes. Jason saw thetears, and said, "Honey, don't cry." I can't help it. I did this to you. And, I'm losing you. You are mylife. And, I can't lose you." Honey. You didn't do this. It's part of me. You just saw that it mademe happy. So, you just helped me. And, you will never lose me." But,... But, what if... " Honey. There's no ifs. I'm going to talk to Mark. I want out of thisone way or another, or at least to control it in some way. And, I thinkhe can help. Or, I hope he can."Ronnie kissed him, and they just held each other. Jason couldn't see thetears.
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