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I had discussed at length with Dr Black what I could do in terms offinding a job.I had suggested training as a nurse's aid or patient service attendantbut he said I had to stay well away from anything of a medical naturein case that fed back into my delusions.It was hard at 31 too to start over. I thought maybe I could train as abarista or possibly even get a hairdressing apprenticeship.Dr Black thought these may be beyond my capabilities and I'd becompeting with teens in any case. I would be less preferable.Especially with a history of mental illness.In the end I thought I might try for kitchen or laundry work. Or in afactory.Jobs I wouldn't have to interact too much with people.I would cross that bridge when I got to it I suppose, but I didn't justwant to languish around, festering. Idle hands and all. I thoughtkeeping busy would help me stay well.Although saying my treatment was curative might have been overstatingthings I definitely wasn't haunted by my alternative personalities. I then started to think what estrogen was typically responsible for, morenurturing and caring behavior, better communication skills were just afew I could think of not counting the breasts that were currently tryingto escape from the bra. I starting thinking about my friendship with Jenand realize that we really had become closer friends because of our longtalks, mutual consideration of each other among the big things. She neverreally liked or hung around any other boys when we were younger, saidthey were annoying. I then realized that even if I hadn't of turned intothat mindless bully that Jen and I probably wouldn't have become thefriends that we were. I would have just been one of those annoying boys.I started to feel tears forming and it was strange, I was no longerreally upset. Why was I starting to cry, I mean it wasn't a strong boohoo type of cry? I was thankful for my friendship and closeness with her.I couldn't bring myself to say they were tears of joy, but I.
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