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The five friends sat back on the damp, cold plastic sheet watching ‘Yellow Rain and Golden Drizzle’ on the small screen of Samantha’s TV. They were soon more concerned with the mechanics of what they were seeing rather than the plot, which was characteristically rudimentary and predictable. The only thrills in this ‘erotic thriller’ were those when the cast pulled off their clothes and aimed their crotches at each other. “I don’t know why we watch this rubbish,” commented Edward with a sniff. “The acting’s dreadful. The plots are risible. And you know exactly when they’re going to start peeing on each other. It’s so flipping predictable!” “But that’s why we watch it,” argued Neil. “It’s to see how other people do it. Otherwise, we wouldn’t know.” “But, I mean, does everyone pee on each other in real life?” Edward wondered. “I mean, when you’re married, do you still pee on the other person? Or do you, you know, do the other things you’re so supposed to do? You know, with stiffies. He stuffed the egg in his pocket and grabbed for the goose’s beak. Running to the loose board he hit it hard with his shoulder, eliciting a groan from himself and a muffled squawk from the goose, who jerked her beak from his hand in the process.“WHAT’S GOING ON OUT THERE?!” came a stentorian bass voice loudly from the house.Mortimer stepped out the back door. He stopped suddenly, his eyes going round and wild at the same time.“FEE FIE FOE FUM!” he yelled. “I SMELL THE BLOOD OF AN ENGLISHMAN!”Mortimer’s beady eyes spied the frantic movement of both Jack, running hell-bent-for-leather, and the wings of his magic goose flapping as Jack held the goose out in front of him, trying to keep that nasty beak from pecking his eyes out.“FUM, FOE, FIE, FEE!” screamed Mortimer. “TIS A STINKING ENGLISHMAN STEALING MY GOOSE I SEE!”“Ohhhhh shit!” moaned Jack.The goose did. And for you city folk, you need to know that geese excel at that particular bodily function. More about that later.It was a.
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