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But beauty can be both a curse and a treasure, as I have seen again and again. When my mother's drunken boyfriend slipped into my bed in the middle of the night to rape the beautiful, twelve-year-old version of me, it was a curse. When Jason first set eyes upon me and could not believe that I smiled in return (he knew he was already showing the pattern baldness and pot belly that he would grow into), that was a treasure.I know Tony has been confused about our relationship for many years. I could feel his eyes upon me most days, feel it like a physical touch. I ignored him, of course - not because he was my son, but because I had agreed with Jason that he would be the only man in my life. I never regretted it.As Tony graduated from high school and went to university, I started to receive intimate gifts from him. Sometimes it was chocolate, but more often it was lingerie or a book of erotic poetry. These all went into a chest in the basement.The reflection shows that my earlier tears. My best friend Chrissie.."Mum came over and spoke softly to me, "Chrissie, are you sure you are OKwith this?" Yes Mum, I would love to be Suzy's bridesmaid." Well darling," whispered Mum, "then you shall be a princess at yoursisters ball. The prettiest girl there - after your sister!" And everyonelaughed out loud. Even dad.So the deal was done.I won't talk about the days that followed, or the hen's party where thisgirl discovered some interesting things about boys and girls! I won'ttalk about the sensation of walking down the aisle with my sister and the2 other bridesmaids, feeling the eyes of everyone on me, even though theyjust knew me as Chrissie, Suzy's best friend. I won't say how wonderful Ifelt in the photographs, wearing the same outfit as 2 other pretty girls,especially Ann who kept close by my side holding my hand all the waythrough. Nor the speeches where Suzy talks about her best girlfriends andDad spoke in shining terms about the pretty bridesmaids. Nor will Imention the.
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