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Well we moved into a new house that summer and since I was the only k** left in the house there was just one room up stairs and it looked out over the dinner room living room and kitchen. So quickly after we moved in I noticed I could stand in my door way naked and you could see my dick from the kitchen so for days I would stand there and talk to her before my shower and i knew she could see my dick but I dont think she knew I knew.Well one day I stand there and talk to her a few mins and then I say I'm getting in the shower. Well I turned on a tape I had got of a porn and Went in my bathroom turned on the shower and started rubbing my dick. Well a few mins went by and i was really getting into it when I thought I heard something I stoped stroking for a sec and listened and then I started back. Well I was lubed up and making a good bit of noice I was doing long hard strokes and I thought I heard something again. So I stoped and went to walk out my bathroom when I saw my step mom in. He won't listen to me though. I'm afraid I've hurt him too much.We haven't talked much since that day when Mark walked out of the doctor's office--just briefly, and about things to do for, or with, Alyssa. I don't know what to say to him anyway. Doctor Jamison says I need to let my guilt slide away but I don't know how to do that. I am guilty... guilty of cheating on Mark, and Alyssa too. My God, the memories of what I said to him the last night I was with that Brian haunt me day and night. I can't sleep without hearing those awful words again. I don't deserve a man like Mark. He's right to have pushed me away the way he has.I can't explain how those long months when I was seeing Brian seem so unreal to me. It was as if I had pillows for shoes--the ground didn't feel solid under my feet, except that... at the same time, in my head, I saw me walking down the edge of an endless razor blade. It was like if I made the slightest misstep, I would cut my feet to ribbons... and I would.
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