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His talent is simply boundless."Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a humpbacked, one eyed, toothless, hairless, scabbed and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three feet tall."Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself." Well, sir, I graduated with honours from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines. I've represented Great Britain in equestrian events, and won a Silver Medal in the boxing middleweight division of the Olympics. I have researched the history of..."Here the colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes, never mind that Smithers, he can find all that in your file. Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor to fuck off..."Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, the Government has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early, mandatory retirement,. I can do that.’ ‘Do you have some time, now?’ ‘Yeah, it’s close enough to lunch. I can take a break.’ ‘Have a seat,’ I said ushering him into the chair by my desk. ‘How do I start?’ ‘Just think of a story that you’d like to record on paper and on computer disk and start talking.’ ‘Okay, well, there’s this one woman on my route, Lola, I mean, Mrs. Simmons. She’s always flashing me her body. She’s a real tease.’ ‘Well, this sounds like a good story, a bit erotic, but there’s nothing wrong with that,’ I said already typing away and taking the liberty to add some creative writing to his story. ‘Anyway, she likes to pretend that she doesn’t see me coming. Even though I beep my horn when I pull up to a house to let them know that UPS is here. I mean, I don’t want to take all the packages out of the truck if there’s no one home.’ ‘Yeah, that would be extra work having to remove them from your truck and put them back inside.’ ‘Well, one day, she was vacuuming naked with the overhead light on.
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