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What we had was wonderful and amazing, of course. But the much more that we both hungered for, was not possible then, and might never be possible for us. Confused about what to do, how to move forward, how to resolve my mixed-up emotions, I sought the assistance of a psychiatrist. She wasn’t terribly helpful. Having been indoctrinated in western religion, not in what I considered the more naturally human Native American ways on which I had been raised, she was very judgmental. She couldn’t see herself advising me to strengthen my affair, or condoning the powerful love and lust I felt (and still feel) toward Eric. I turned to the Internet. People had been having affairs for millions of years, how had they handled this? It turned out there had been about as many different results from affairs, good and bad, as there had been humans on the earth throughout history. I wound-up even more confused. I loved what Eric and I had together. But I feared that if we couldn’t grow beyond what we. The gown was much smaller in size and barely covered my body. He looked at the beds. Out of the two beds, one was slept in and the other was neat with all the sheets properly folded and topped with a bedcover. I was feeling embarrassed. It was obvious to anyone that the Colonel and I had slept on the same bed. I avoided his direct gaze.My husband Sunil came to me and hugged me lightly. He kissed my forehead and said, “Gosh, I am relieved that you both are fine.”Looking at me he said, “I am sorry to have failed you. I did not have the heart of the Colonel.” His eyes were wet.I kissed his lips softly and said, “You did not fail me. It was just that your friend was fast to react. He sacrificed his life for me.” I did not elaborate, hoping he would understand.I was feeling a sense of terrible guilt. All along our married life I was only Sunil’s. The past night changed all that. Now I was not only my husband’s; the Colonel also had a share in me. For an average Indian woman this was a.
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