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It was spiritual in addition to erotic and romantic.When Stephanie and I finally made love, it would be equally soul-searing, equally spiritual. In fact, it might even be more so. Jennifer and I had discussed it, including the idea of Jennifer as a surrogate. She didn’t take it badly at all; in fact, she had pointed it out to me. Stephanie and I could never marry and have children, but Jennifer and I could, and we planned to, some day.Then there was Birgit. I would never know for sure, but I suspected that same connection was there, unrecognized, unfulfilled. Even now, as I sat here lost in my own thoughts on a train speeding southwards, I felt her with me. It was not as strong as when I had been in Stockholm, but that made sense. The emotions of the visit to her grave had enhanced the feeling. Sleeping in her bed, seeing her family, talking with Karin — all of those things had made a connection beyond the grave; a connection that hinted at what might have been had we ever made love. Everything just seemed to be the natural thing to do. I couldn’t believe that I was so hot that I just lay down naked and was fucked when other people were around me even when they were doing the same thing. ‘That’s what I meant when I said that I did things that surprised me even more than going topless and getting felt. Somehow and for some reason, whatever limits I had placed on myself on exposure seemed to have been weakened. I think that a good part of that was the business of Frank kissing my nipple in front of everyone plus the whole ‘married mistress’ sequence. That seemed to free me of my inhibitions and…well, modesty just didn’t seem as important in front of the group. I was shocked when we got back to our room, but not enough, as I said, to regret what I had done. Really, neither of us felt that I had gone too far – we were just shocked that I had done what I did.’ ‘Heaven knows, I’m not criticizing you in any way, I’m shocked the same way you two were. This certainly.
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