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Just pray about it, okay? We trust you to do the right thing."They let it go after that and a brief prayer; we had cups of tea and general chat for half an hour or so, then they left; leaving Teri and myself with their proposal. We prayed together without receiving any identifiable guidance, and would have gone to bed, but for Sian. She'd been out with Robert before, but only to church meetings. A date, going out together for the sole reason of being together, was different. Yes, I trusted them both, but, Sian was only sixteen, if her next birthday wasn't too far off.They weren't late back, and after Sian dragged Teri off to the kitchen, I found myself sitting with Robert in the lounge. He gulped. "Um. Er. Jim?" Yes?" I'd like your permission to marry Sian."I didn't respond immediately, but when I did, I said, "You don't need my permission. Sian is Scottish – she's legally an adult." Sian thinks we do. We both respect you and you've been like a father to her." Okay. Then I'd have to. She turned to a blank page. She stared at it for a few minutes before actually writing anything. Guilt ridden, she wrote these words: I am a slave to the pain and taste, feel and touch of sex. I breathe humiliation being thrust upon me like a child being chastised. Will the Lord ever forgive me for this habitual transgression – this lust of the flesh? I feel as though I can’t shake it. Every time I think I want to let it go, I give in and give up and let the pain, not the dominant, act as my master. Will this internal struggle ever end for me? It calls out to me in the middle of the night when I am lonely. I can’t believe I actually thanked God for bringing Cassius into my life because he enjoyed giving pain as much as I enjoyed receiving it. It’s a crying shame to say I can not see a day when I will let go of this thrill and rush I get with every infliction of pain to my body. Help me, Lord! The clock on the night stand next to Cassius displayed in large red numbers the time of two.
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